Elimination Comunication-An Update

Today is a day that I imagine all parents look forward to. The day that they can officially declare their child "potty trained". In our case, I like to refer to it as "potty-learned," because I did not "train" my son to do anything. He learned where to eliminate. And he learned it in his 17.5 short months of life.

I am beyond proud. Not only of my son, but of myself as well. Deciding to practice Elimination Communication with my son was not a popular choice, nor was it one that was understood by most of our friends and family. We got strange looks and even stranger comments. Someone accused me of being a "potty-training gestapo". I know that everyone thought I was wasting my time. They snickered behind my back and rolled their eyes. They called me crazy and said that children just can't possibly learn to use a toilet before "they are ready", which presumably is at age 2, 3, or 4, right?

I am here to tell you that is wrong. There are many, many people in the world who practice Elimination Communication with their children. (Of course it isn't very popular in the US, because here, we are all about marketing and big business and convincing parents that their children just aren't ready to learn to use a toilet.) But just because the media tells us something, doesn't mean it is the truth. The truth is this: children are born knowing how to communicate their needs. Sure, they can't use words. But they have looks and signals and cues. We all know how to pick up on a baby being tired or hungry...why not tune in to them telling us they need to eliminate? The signs are there. We just need to see them!

I decided before Luke was born that I wanted him to be able to have a choice about where he went to the bathroom. My early childhood education schooling taught me that it is harder to un-learn a behavior than to learn it in the first place. Why, I thought, do kids have to learn to pee and poop in their diapers, and then try to undo it? At age 2 or 3 or 4, they have plenty of other things going on that require their attention and energy. Trying to un-learn a behavior is just plain tough for most kids at that age. 

So here we are, after 17 months of learning cues and making progress, taking steps backwards and questioning the journey...and it happened. He got it. It all clicked. My child is officially done with diapers. 

There were many many times that I questioned myself and wondered if I was really crazy. Was I taking things too far? Was I expecting too much? Maybe the media was right...children need to be in diapers for years. Maybe my friends and family knew better than me. Maybe I was being too optimistic. 

But we kept going. I kept offering Luke a place to pee other than his diaper. Every single time he has woken up from sleeping, for his entire life, I have held him over the toilet. And he has learned that we use toilets to eliminate. I have stopped the car in parking lots so he could go. I have been in more public bathrooms than I can remember, holding him under one arm, trying not to touch anything while I pulled his pants and diaper off so he could try to go, and then trying to get him re-dressed in a space that was way too small for shenanigans like that. But it was worth it to me. Every single time. 

I trusted that by following his cues, instead of ignoring them, I would be meeting one of his most basic needs and  not encouraging a behavior that he would have to un-learn in a few months. Since about 6 months, when he would pee or poop, I would show him the sign for potty. He started signing it himself around 8 months, although not consistently. There were days when he would go for hours with no "misses" because we were very in tune. And there were other days when I would literally miss every one of his cues, or he wouldn't give them. Those days were frustrating, but I reminded myself that it was about the journey, not the destination. 

I never scolded Luke for eliminating in a diaper. Ever. We never rewarded him for using a toilet. Ever. It has always been just about teaching him where to go. And at 17.5 months, both day and night, he signs for potty and either runs to his own little potty or runs to the adult toilet for me to hold him over. We have gone to the store, the farm and the library. We have traveled in the car, gone on walks, and gone grocery shopping. Diaperless. And damn proud. Because everyone said we couldn't do it. And we proved what I knew all along. Yes we can. 

Kids are SO smart and in tune. As adults, we really just need to learn to pick up on what they are telling us. If you are practicing elimination communication and feeling discouraged, don't give up. You are doing an amazing service to your child by tuning into their needs. One day, it will just click and all of your wondering will be validated. It's sad that there isn't more support in this country for people practicing EC. Kids can be diaper free way before age 2. It's possible. You can do it, and they can do it. Give it a try. What do you have to lose? 

Elimination Communication Makes Me Happy

We made the decision before Luke was born that we would practice Elimination Communciation with him. For those of you who do not know what Elimination Communication is, you can read about it here. Anyways, we have been offering him his potty since the day we brought him home from the hospital. And he uses it! About half of his pees/poos are on the potty every day, and on a good day that we are very tuned in to one another, I can catch most of his pees and poos. This makes a big difference in the amount of diapers we are using, and since he is cloth diapered, it directly affects the amount of laundry I am doing.

However, we are not practicing EC to cut down on laundry. We are doing it because we believe that Luke has a right to eliminate in a place other than his own diaper. We realize that babies are born knowing how to signal that they need to eliminate. And we are fostering that by allowing him the chance to use a potty instead of teaching him to use his diaper. Some days he loves his potty. And some days he hates it. And that is ok. We offer him the potty and if he uses it, great, and if not, that's ok too.                                                            

EC is not infant potty training. Our child doesn't get rewards for using the potty, and he certainly is not punished for not using it. We are simply teaching him that there is an option for where he can eliminate. I find diapers to be disgusting. How gross is it to have to sit in your own pee or poop!? Babies who are EC'ed generally are diaper-free way before age two. These children are not taught to eliminate in a diaper, and therefore do not have to "unlearn" that behavior. They simply learn where they are supposed to go! If you think about it, our society ignore the cues that infants give us for elimination, thereby teaching children that they should soil their diapers. And then at the tender age of two or three, when children are just figuring out how the world around them works, we are trying to reverse what they have learned about where to eliminate! It doesn't make sense.

The diaper business is just that. A business. Big business. And the diaper companies want you to believe that children in our country (no other country in the world is as reliant on diapers as ours) NEED to be in diapers for years and years. And we buy into it! One of the men who has been most vocal about saying that children should not be forced in to using a potty, and that they will use it only when they are ready, is pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton. He is considered to be an expert in the world of diapering, but get this! He is also a consultant for Pampers. Coincidence? I think not.

In 1957, 92 percent of children were potty trained by age 18 months. In 2004, less than 25 percent of children were trained by that same age, and in fact 40 percent of children were still not potty trained at age three! What gives? Money, my friends. Money. Pampers pays Mr. Brazelton to make a blanket statement that children need to stay in diapers until they "are ready" to use a potty, and in turn, uneducated people keep right on buying the diapers and letting their children soil themselves until they are three or four or older, which puts millions and millions of dollars in the pockets of the diaper companies. The truth is that children are born knowing when they need to eliminate, and we as parents need to tune in to their cues and give them a place to do so.

Elimination Communication is a lot of work. It really is. Luke's cue is typically a short, high pitched whine. But I don't always know if his whine is because he needs to go, or if it's for something else. It's not a sure thing. But if my child is able and trying to communicate to me when he has to eliminate, and I ignore him, I don't feel I am doing my best as a parent. Do I catch all of his pees and poos? Absolutely not. Some days I barely catch any at all. But we are learning this together, and anytime we catch anything in the potty, that's one less time he has to soil himself. And that makes us both happy.