Babies Deserve Better

I realized something today. Something that has been working itself up to the surface of my consciousness for some time now. Something that I really and truly with every fiber of my being, believe in. I just haven't been able to truly come to terms with it until today. I wasn't ready for it then. But I am now.

I believe there are right and wrong ways to parent a child. And that can be as simple or as complex as you make it. It may not be "politically correct" to say, but it's my truth. It's what I believe.

I have long said that I believe in one mountain and countless ways to the top. And part of me really believes that. The part of me that thinks that statement is great is the part of me that is focused on an individual who is caring for him or her self. Musical preferences, choices in clothing, cars or homes,
religious ideals and educational paths...there is a whole wide world of options, and I believe each individual has the free will to choose whatever they want to do, be or say in every situation. Truly, I do.

The part of me that thinks there is one mountain with one clear, "right" path to the top is the part of me that is thinking about the kids. The babies. The ones who are helpless without their caregivers. The ones who know nothing until someone teaches them, either directly or indirectly. The small people on this earth who didn't ask to be here, but who have been thrust into the world unable to care for themselves. The young individuals who cannot distinguish between their wants and their needs because they are one in the same. The little people on this planet that need to be parented the right way in order to thrive. This part of me, the one that thinks about the babies, really believes that there is right and wrong. And I am appalled at how many children are being done wrong at the hands of the very people in life who are supposed to be caring for them the most.

Let's face it. This world today is FULL of turmoil, lies, greed, wars, hatred and sadness. We can turn a blind eye to it. We can, and do, act like it doesn't exist. But that doesn't mean it isn't there. It just means we don't care enough about it to pay attention. But while we turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of our world, are we spending more time with our children? Are we doing what is in their best interests at every chance we get? Are we using our instincts to parent them properly? Are we building up their self esteem so that they aren't cut down by the evil in our world? Are we learning about what they are developmentally capable of at every age and stage? Not always. Not enough. We are too busy running around from store to store to buy the most fashionable clothes. We are too preoccupied with our smartphones and laptops and tablets. We are caught up in the rat race of working too many hours to earn just enough money to buy things that make us look happy. To pay for homes that are empty for 50 hours a week while we go to work. As a society, we are on the go constantly. And who really suffers the most? The babies.

I firmly believe that there is a right way to be a parent. I am lying to myself if I continue to say that whatever way works for every individual is the right way. Because I no longer believe that. I have read enough and seen enough and listened enough and dug deep enough to know that there are wrong ways to parent a child. And I know that too many people spend too little time reading and listening and researching and learning. Too many moms just blindly listen to what their pediatrician or some random book has to say, without learning for themselves. In a world with endless amounts of choices, too many mothers are choosing the easy way or the cheap way or the popular way and in doing so, are selling their babies short.

Babies deserve better.

A Promise To My Children...

 

I came across a saying, titled "A Promise to my Children" on the internet. As I read it, I couldn't help but feel like the author fell short. The intentions were good, I suppose, but the message is not something that I would feel comfortable conveying to MY child or children. I decided to take the popular "promise" and alter it a bit. Here it is, in its original state:

 

And this is what I disagree with in this saying:

 

1.) Why can't you be a parent AND a friend? Why do those titles need to be prioritized? Parenting is not mutually exclusive of friendship, in my mind.

2.) There are MANY ways to show a child that you love and care for them. Stalking him, flipping out on him, lecturing him, driving him insane and hunting him down like a bloodhound aren't exactly any of the verbs that come to my mind when I think about how to convey my love to my child.

3.) I can think of a whole bunch of ways that my child can convince me he has become a responsible adult. Understanding that I will be his worst nightmare isn't one of those ways.

4.) I will consider myself a failure if, at ANY time, my child mutters under his breath or out loud that he "hates" me. I cannot think of a worse way to evaluate my parenting skills than on the basis of my child stating that he hates me.

 

Do I think that children need to respect their parents? Absolutely. Do I want my child to become a responsible adult? You betcha. Is there anyone else on this earth who will love and care for my child as much as I do? Besides his daddy, probably not. So here is my "better" version of this saying. It is one that I will do my best to live by. And it is something that I will feel comfortable and proud to share with my child.

 

 For as long as I live, I will always be your parent as well as your friend.

I will respect you, listen to you, encourage you, have fun with you,

be your biggest supporter and be available to your needs whenever I have to,

because I love you.  I know that through my modeling of love,

empathy and mutual trust, you will become a caring, empathetic, secure adult.

You will never find anyone else in your life who loves you, cares about you,

and worries about your well being as much as your daddy and I do.

As long as I am able to tell you and show you how much 

I love you every day, I will know that I am doing my job

as your mama properly.