No Schedules For Us!

My son taught me early on that schedules were not our friend. This came as a huge shock to me for a few reasons. 1.) I have a Master's Degree in Education. I have ten years of experience working in schools and daycares. The general consensus is: Kids thrive on schedules and should adhere to a schedule as often as possible for their own good. 2.) I am your prototypical Type A personality. I was, anyways. I made to-do lists and I got them done! I scheduled as much of my day as possible and I actually felt anxiety if something went astray or not according to plan.

And then I had Luke. From the moment he was born, he was determined to teach me that I could forget my beloved schedules because he wouldn't be operating on one. Ever. I remember those early days...charting his naps and elimination schedule. It was all over the place. Naps were never at the same time of day, and they were never for the same amount of time. From one day to the next, there were no similarities. I kept telling myself that he just wasn't there yet. He would get there. His schedule would fall into place sooner or later. Except that as of today, he is 14 months old. And he has no schedule. None at all. Luke's schedule goes something like this: he will wake up somewhere between 6 and 8. And he will nap somewhere between 1030 and 1, and his nap may last 45 minutes, or it may last 2 hours. And then he will go to sleep somewhere between 6 and 10. He has never slept through the night. He wakes when he needs to, whether it be for comfort or nourishment. I don't consider that much of a schedule. But I don't care.

Because I am letting Luke lead the way. I haven't tried to change him. I haven't tried to make him sleep when he doesn't want to sleep. I haven't gotten angry at him for waking up an hour earlier than I was hoping he would. I have worked hard to remind myself day after day that Luke is his own person. He is young and small, but he is no less of a person that I am. And he deserves to have the chance to figure out life on his own terms. Do I let Luke make every decision for himself? Of course not. Am I a permissive parent raising a spoiled brat? Absolutely not. But trying to wrestle him into a crib to sleep at a certain time of day, or purposely keeping him awake so that he can be on some schedule that I decide is necessary seems silly to me.

 My son is a securely attached toddler with a mama who is doing her best to foster his personality instead of trying to change it to accommodate my desires. I let Luke tell me when he is tired. I watch for his cues and I respond to them. Isn't that what parenting is all about?

Don't Rush Your Babes

Shortly after a baby is born, the critiquing begins. No, I'm not talking about the questions about his eye color, or the guessing game about whether he looks more like mom or dad. I'm talking about the constant "what's he doing now" questions that plague a baby from the minute he is born.

Here's how it goes: Baby is born. Everyone wants to see him open his eyes. Why? Why not just enjoy the baby with his eyes closed? He looks so peaceful and content with his eyes closed. He has plenty of time to open his eyes and look around at the world around him. Right now, his eyes are closed and that's ok.

Next, people want to know if baby is sleeping through the night. Why? Why would a tiny baby sleep through the night? Babies are not made to sleep for hours on end by themselves in the dark without their mamas. That contradicts their biological makeup. But everyone asks. "How long is baby sleeping? Are you getting enough sleep? Is he sleeping through the night like a good boy yet?" A baby will sleep through the night when he is ready. It may be at a few months of age, or it may be at a few years of age. If a baby isn't forced to sleep longer than he normally would, either by force-feeding him more milk than usual, or by putting cereal in a bottle (I can't believe any idiot would do that, but it happens) or by being forced to Cry It Out, then in a majority of cases, the baby will frequently wake through the night for at least the first year of life. Of course there are exceptions, but most babies wake. Baby will sleep through the night when he is ready.

Then people start asking if the baby is rolling over and eventually, sitting up. Soon after that, the questions are about crawling. And then walking. And then it becomes "what's he eating now?" And then everyone asks if he is talking. And the questions about breastfeeding are thrown in there..."you're not still breastfeeding him, are you?"

This madness needs to stop. A baby is only a baby once. He only spends a small amount of time not knowing how to roll over or sit up. What's the rush to learn? He will get there! A baby only crawls for a short period of time in his life. Why does he have to be rushed into walking? A baby only makes those adorable coos and babbles for a short time in his life. He will learn to talk when he is ready. Why is he rushed into talking?

When we are constantly asking "what's he doing now?" with a hopeful frame of mind...hopeful that our baby is at some developmental milestone that our pediatrician or the internet tells us he should be at at a certain age, we are perpetuating the cycle of rushing the baby to grow up faster. It makes no sense really; people are always complaining and gushing about how sad they are that their child is growing so fast, yet they are always looking forward to the next stage that their child will enter.

Take a step back, look at your beautiful child, and enjoy him or her. Right now, today, at whatever stage he or she may be at. They will only be this person that they are today for such a short time. There is no need to rush them into something they aren't. Enjoy what your baby is doing right now. Because before you know it, he will have moved on to something new, and you won't get this stage back.