Our Circumcision Decision

This is a touchy subject. But it is one that I feel very strongly about, and I believe that more people need to share their stories. Only in doing so, will Routine Infant Circumcision (RIC) become a topic that is not taboo, but rather than is discussed openly. And hopefully, I will live to see the day when it is not routine in this country. When it is talked about as a thing of the past. As a procedure that was barbaric. And as a procedure that took advantage of newborn boys who can only to rely on cries to communicate, but whose cries were not heard. Here is my story...

When we found out that we were having a boy, my mind flooded with thoughts about what he would look like, whose eyes he would have, what color hair would he get, and what kind of demeanor he would have. I thought about what we would do together, and what I would teach him about the world. I pictured breastfeeding him, and changing his diapers. I thought about bedtime stories and Christmas mornings. M and I talked about (almost daily) what we would name this new addition to our family. We read parenting books, and subscribed to parenting newsletters. We discussed discipline. We got the nursery ready. We were fully submerged in anxiously awaiting our little blue bundle of joy.

Until I was eight months pregnant, only once did we discuss our unborn son's penis. And that was on the day of the ultrasound that we found out he was a boy at 20 weeks. He very clearly presented himself that day, and we laughed about him having no modesty and letting us know that he was all boy! And then as I was watching birth videos one day, I came across a circumcision video. By accident. And something told me that I needed to watch it. So I did.....and my life changed. I am not being dramatic when I tell you that sitting at my kitchen table that day, watching a grainy video on YouTube of some nameless little boy getting circumcised, my life changed. I sat there silently, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I watched as this little baby was strapped to a table, and circumcised. I remember saying to my husband "I thought it was just two snips! That's what I was always told!"

It is definitely NOT two snips. It is a fairly detailed procedure in which the doctor has to cut the foreskin, peel it back, and then cut some more. There is blood involved. And pain. Of course the baby in the video screamed the entire time, this piercing, gut-wrenching cry. But it didn't matter. His parents decided that they wanted him circumcised, and that was that. The poor guy had no choice in the matter. That day, I told my husband there was no way I was putting my child through the procedure that I had just watched. I asked him to watch the video. And we watched a few more. And I told him that we clearly needed to make a decision about circumcision.

As I do with everything in my life, I threw myself into researching everything I could about circumcision. What is the purpose? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Does every country perform this surgery on newborn boys? What are the percentages of circumcised vs. non-circumcised boys? I was obsessed. I knew that I only had a few weeks before we would have to know what our decision was. And I honestly was shocked at what all of my research showed me.

 

Circumcision in the United States is big business! It is done routinely here, but not in any other country on earth. In fact, only in this country is there such a large percentage of circumcised males. Much of the rest of the world is intact.

We talked to our midwife about circumcising our baby. She said she didn't see a reason for it, and that her own sons were intact. I watched videos on the computer about it. There were more anti-circumcision videos than pro-circumcision. I read everything I could about it. Most of what I read stated that there is no medical reason for it. I was really starting to believe that RIC was something that wasn't necessary. And then I started asking people about it. I asked what people thought about it, or if they had their sons circumcised. And in talking with people, I got pretty much the same answer every time.
"Eew! Of course my son is circumcised! Uncircumcised penises are so gross and dirty!" or "Oh yes, you have to circumcise. You don't want him made fun of in the locker room."

I was so confused. I felt strongly after my research that circumcision is not necessary. Do intact men need to wash their penis a little differently than circumcised men? Yes. They probably need to spend an extra six seconds with the soap and water. But I knew that I would teach my son how to clean every part of his body, and that spending a few extra seconds washing himself surely wasn't a reason to remove his foreskin, right? I felt like if circumcision was so necessary, the American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) or the World Health Organization (WHO) would recommend it, right? They don't. The AAP policy is here. 

So all of my research told me that it was unnecessary, but all of my personal conversations made me feel like it was. I was torn. I presented all of my information to my husband, and he said he didn't really have a good reason why we should or shouldn't do it. He agreed with me that doing it "just because other people did it" was not a good enough reason. But we were unsure. I didn't know how we would be able to come to a decision.

As I sat one day late in my pregnancy thinking about it, I decided to make a list of the pros and cons. And I had a few (what I felt like were ) strong points both for and against it. I certainly did not want my son made fun of by anyone. But I also felt like there is a reason that all men are born with a foreskin. It has a purpose. It is not there by mistake. And then I wrote something down that was a game-changer. Out of nowhere, in the middle of my confusion, I scribbled a reason in the "against" column, and it was the last thing I wrote. I was done. I knew what we were going to do. I had made my mind up and I wasn't going back. All of my research and time spent on our circumcision decision had built up to this moment and I saw the Hallelujah chorus, telling me that what I had just written was the answer I was waiting for.

                                     "HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO BE CIRCUMCISED."

We spent so much time trying to make a decision, and we had never discussed the one fact that mattered most. It wasn't OUR decision to make. Our son would be born with a foreskin, just like every other baby boy is born. And whether or not that foreskin was forcibly, permanently removed wasn't our decision. It was his.

I told my husband that I had made a decision. And when I shared with him what I thought, he said he agreed. He said there was no argument that he could make (because at that point, he was still leaning towards wanting the baby circumcised) that would negate what I stated. We agreed that it would be the baby's decision what he wanted to do with his own body. And we felt great about it.

After Luke was born, I was prepared to have to stand up for our decision to the doctors and nurses. Luke was born in a holistic birthing center, in the water, and with no pain medicine. He also received no injections or vaccines of any kind. We never had to validate ourselves or try to explain our decision. One of the nurses asked if he would be circumcised, I said no, and that was the end of the discussion. We brought our baby home intact and whole. And we think he is perfect.

We plan to teach Luke how to care for his body. Washing an intact penis is no big deal...no different than the way girls have to wash themselves in the shower. A little soap and water in the right places will get the job done. All of the comments about infections and pain and it being "gross" are just nonsense to me. We have already begun to instill in Luke a sense of pride in himself and in his self-image. We will assure him that he is perfect the way that he is, and we will never try to change him in any way. We also plan to raise Luke to have the ability to speak up for what he wants and what he believes in. And we are aware that some day, he may decide that he would like to be circumcised. If that is what our son decides that he would like to do to his body, I have NO problem with that whatsoever. As his parents, we will totally and fully support him in whatever decision he makes for his own body. It never was our place to make a circumcision decision for him anyways.

I Believe...

I want to make clear what my beliefs are as they relate to parenting. I do not know all there is to know about parenting my child, and I definitely don't know anything about how to raise anyone else's child. But I am slowly yet surely becoming an expert on my baby and his needs. I spend A LOT of time reading and researching various topics. I cannot stand the thought of "going with the flow" just because someone tells me that's what I should do. As a result, I have drastically transformed my viewpoints on many of these topics over the past year. I am going to state my beliefs so that it is clear what I stand for, what I advocate for, and what you can expect to learn about in future blog posts.

I believe that every child has the right to breastmilk, either their mother's or that of a donor. I believe that every child has the right to breastfeed on demand. Not on a schedule that is given to them to make life more convenient for their parents. From as early as I can remember, I have eaten when I was hungry. Not when someone told me I was allowed to eat. I believe babies have that same right.

I believe children have the right to decide for themselves when they are done breastfeeding. I believe that children should be exclusively breastfed for at least the first six months of life, and for however long after that they choose. Breastmilk is the optimal nutrition for babies and toddlers, and they should have the opportunity to be nourished in the way that nature intended for as long as they wish. Convenient for mom? Not necessarily. Healthy for baby? Absolutely.

I believe that diaper companies are evil. Possibly among the most evil there is. These companies make diapers that touch the soft skin on our babies' bottoms, and they pack them with chemicals and perfumes and all kinds of carcinogens. The diaper copmpanies don't give a damn about what happens to babies' skin...they are solely concerned with how absorbent they can make these horrid things.

I believe babies that are put in diapers have a right to be put in cloth diapers that are gentle on their skin.

I believe that babies have a right to not be forced to learn to soil themselves and then sit in it until someone decides they can be given a clean diaper. The thought makes me sick. Babies are born knowing how to communicate that they need to eliminate. They may not have words, but they are able to give a signal just as they do when they are hungry or tired or lonely. Unfortunately in America, the diaper companies have convinced us that children need diapers for the first two, three, four or even five years of their lives. Disgusting. I believe that babies have a right to eliminate in a potty from birth.

I believe that any form of the Cry It Out method is both physical and emotional abuse. Babies cry when they need something. Ignoring those cries is torture.

I believe that any form of physical punishment is both physical and emotional abuse.

I believe that routine infant circumcision (RIC) is wrong and violates the rights of babies. Our culture has been victimized by misinformation on the topic. There is a reason that of the Industrialized Western Nations, the US is the only country with a for-profit medical system and also the only country where routine infant circumcisions are still performed. Is it coincidence? Nope. It's all about money. You can count on it.

I believe that babies have a right to be held. A lot. Strollers and saucers and bouncy chairs and pack-n-plays are convenient, but they are not necessary for a baby.

I believe babies are born to sleep with their mothers. This dates back to our early ancestors. It's an instinct. Why do you think all children sleep better when they are in bed with their parents? They are hard-wired to do that. Forcing them to sleep in a dark room by themselves or sleep training them goes against what nature intended and I believe it is abusive.

I believe that the Center for Disease Control's vaccination schedule is both dangerous and harmful to our babies. The lack of research on the effects of these vaccines is alarming. I believe that babies have the right to be kept safe by their parents and their doctors. Vaccines are not safe or necessary.

I believe it is impossible to spoil a baby, and I believe it is impossible for a baby to be manipulative. Their wants are their needs.

I believe all babies have a right to a natural birth. I believe that babies born with medical interventions (epidurals, ceseareans, etc.) are at risk for health problems. While I recognize that certain medical intervention is sometimes necessary, it has gotten WAY out of control in this country. A woman's body was made to give birth. The number of pain medications that are made available and are used is alarming.

I believe that all women have a right to breastfeed whenever, wherever and however they choose.

I believe that parents trust their doctors WAY too much. There's a reason it is called "practicing medicine."

I believe that every woman is enough for her child. I believe that women should trust their instincts instead of reading all of the garbage literature that is put out by medical entities and the media. I believe that babies are the ones who suffer when we fail to do research and instead, listen to what the media tells us we should do with our children.

I believe that pacifiers are unnecessary and put distance between us and our children, along with causing a child's mouth to form inappropriately.

I believe that babies and toddlers have no place in front of a television. Their brains are not developed enough to understand the rapid changes in color and light. While a TV may hold your child's attention, it is not healthy at all.

I believe in baby-led weaning. I believe that children are able to choose for themselves what and how much food they want to eat, while being supervised by their parents. I believe that force-feeding a child some pureed vegetable or fruit on a spoon leads to problems with obesity later in life. I believe that baby food companies are just another societal moneymaker.

I believe that babies and toddlers cannot self-soothe and need their parents to help them with whatever it is they need.

I believe that I still have a lot to learn. This list is not exhaustive, it is simply what I thought of off the top of my head. I know you may not all agree with my beliefs, and that is ok. I will continue to expand my beliefs, and I will share them with you in the future.