Saturday, July 20, 2013

No Schedules For Us!

My son taught me early on that schedules were not our friend. This came as a huge shock to me for a few reasons. 1.) I have a Master's Degree in Education. I have ten years of experience working in schools and daycares. The general consensus is: Kids thrive on schedules and should adhere to a schedule as often as possible for their own good. 2.) I am your prototypical Type A personality. I was, anyways. I made to-do lists and I got them done! I scheduled as much of my day as possible and I actually felt anxiety if something went astray or not according to plan.

And then I had Luke. From the moment he was born, he was determined to teach me that I could forget my beloved schedules because he wouldn't be operating on one. Ever. I remember those early days...charting his naps and elimination schedule. It was all over the place. Naps were never at the same time of day, and they were never for the same amount of time. From one day to the next, there were no similarities. I kept telling myself that he just wasn't there yet. He would get there. His schedule would fall into place sooner or later. Except that as of today, he is 14 months old. And he has no schedule. None at all. Luke's schedule goes something like this: he will wake up somewhere between 6 and 8. And he will nap somewhere between 1030 and 1, and his nap may last 45 minutes, or it may last 2 hours. And then he will go to sleep somewhere between 6 and 10. He has never slept through the night. He wakes when he needs to, whether it be for comfort or nourishment. I don't consider that much of a schedule. But I don't care.

Because I am letting Luke lead the way. I haven't tried to change him. I haven't tried to make him sleep when he doesn't want to sleep. I haven't gotten angry at him for waking up an hour earlier than I was hoping he would. I have worked hard to remind myself day after day that Luke is his own person. He is young and small, but he is no less of a person that I am. And he deserves to have the chance to figure out life on his own terms. Do I let Luke make every decision for himself? Of course not. Am I a permissive parent raising a spoiled brat? Absolutely not. But trying to wrestle him into a crib to sleep at a certain time of day, or purposely keeping him awake so that he can be on some schedule that I decide is necessary seems silly to me.

 My son is a securely attached toddler with a mama who is doing her best to foster his personality instead of trying to change it to accommodate my desires. I let Luke tell me when he is tired. I watch for his cues and I respond to them. Isn't that what parenting is all about?