I am beyond proud. Not only of my son, but of myself as well. Deciding to practice Elimination Communication with my son was not a popular choice, nor was it one that was understood by most of our friends and family. We got strange looks and even stranger comments. Someone accused me of being a "potty-training gestapo". I know that everyone thought I was wasting my time. They snickered behind my back and rolled their eyes. They called me crazy and said that children just can't possibly learn to use a toilet before "they are ready", which presumably is at age 2, 3, or 4, right?
I am here to tell you that is wrong. There are many, many people in the world who practice Elimination Communication with their children. (Of course it isn't very popular in the US, because here, we are all about marketing and big business and convincing parents that their children just aren't ready to learn to use a toilet.) But just because the media tells us something, doesn't mean it is the truth. The truth is this: children are born knowing how to communicate their needs. Sure, they can't use words. But they have looks and signals and cues. We all know how to pick up on a baby being tired or hungry...why not tune in to them telling us they need to eliminate? The signs are there. We just need to see them!
I decided before Luke was born that I wanted him to be able to have a choice about where he went to the bathroom. My early childhood education schooling taught me that it is harder to un-learn a behavior than to learn it in the first place. Why, I thought, do kids have to learn to pee and poop in their diapers, and then try to undo it? At age 2 or 3 or 4, they have plenty of other things going on that require their attention and energy. Trying to un-learn a behavior is just plain tough for most kids at that age.
So here we are, after 17 months of learning cues and making progress, taking steps backwards and questioning the journey...and it happened. He got it. It all clicked. My child is officially done with diapers.
There were many many times that I questioned myself and wondered if I was really crazy. Was I taking things too far? Was I expecting too much? Maybe the media was right...children need to be in diapers for years. Maybe my friends and family knew better than me. Maybe I was being too optimistic.
But we kept going. I kept offering Luke a place to pee other than his diaper. Every single time he has woken up from sleeping, for his entire life, I have held him over the toilet. And he has learned that we use toilets to eliminate. I have stopped the car in parking lots so he could go. I have been in more public bathrooms than I can remember, holding him under one arm, trying not to touch anything while I pulled his pants and diaper off so he could try to go, and then trying to get him re-dressed in a space that was way too small for shenanigans like that. But it was worth it to me. Every single time.
I trusted that by following his cues, instead of ignoring them, I would be meeting one of his most basic needs and not encouraging a behavior that he would have to un-learn in a few months. Since about 6 months, when he would pee or poop, I would show him the sign for potty. He started signing it himself around 8 months, although not consistently. There were days when he would go for hours with no "misses" because we were very in tune. And there were other days when I would literally miss every one of his cues, or he wouldn't give them. Those days were frustrating, but I reminded myself that it was about the journey, not the destination.
I never scolded Luke for eliminating in a diaper. Ever. We never rewarded him for using a toilet. Ever. It has always been just about teaching him where to go. And at 17.5 months, both day and night, he signs for potty and either runs to his own little potty or runs to the adult toilet for me to hold him over. We have gone to the store, the farm and the library. We have traveled in the car, gone on walks, and gone grocery shopping. Diaperless. And damn proud. Because everyone said we couldn't do it. And we proved what I knew all along. Yes we can.
Kids are SO smart and in tune. As adults, we really just need to learn to pick up on what they are telling us. If you are practicing elimination communication and feeling discouraged, don't give up. You are doing an amazing service to your child by tuning into their needs. One day, it will just click and all of your wondering will be validated. It's sad that there isn't more support in this country for people practicing EC. Kids can be diaper free way before age 2. It's possible. You can do it, and they can do it. Give it a try. What do you have to lose?
